The shift from fighter to warrioress. My story.
Struggle is an addiction to the “fight’.
I’m up for a fight. Those who don’t know me intimately might not see that side of me because I appear as an easy going, peace loving, yoga meditation lover, and gentle soul. Or maybe I kid myself. Maybe EVERYONE I know sees this warrior in me.
I do have a mars conjunct the sun in my natal astrological blueprint which describes the ‘fighter’, the battle. Mars is warrior energy.
But struggle? Addicted to the fight? It is so exhausting, right?
I had an aha moment some years ago when I saw this 'fighter' within me super clearly.
I saw how my energy was always looking for a reason to get into a battle. To get fired up. And that meant I was always in a state of struggle in some form or other. Any little thing could trigger this energy to ‘go into battle’.
Ego thinking it’s in control. Wanting to fight, win and feel supreme.
And ultimately it uses up so much energy.
I got tired of the struggle and became curious instead.
On the day I saw how clearly this was running me I said to myself, okay… I’m retiring from the battleground. I don’t want to be in the struggle anymore. I don’t’ want to be addicted to the fight.
I want to thrive and be in FLOW - free liberated open wild. Well, actually I may not have said those words to myself but it was the feeling.
And you know it wasn’t that hard to disengage. Whenever I felt my energy wanting to go into battle I paused. I breathed. Sometimes even laughed at it. I would wait instead of reactively diving in with the fighter energy. And what happened was the situation would flow over and resolve itself more peacefully.
Whatever situations I thought needed ME to dive in there and fight to resolve it, got resolved anyway. Without me. It seems miraculous. But I was shown this over and over again. The ME wasn’t needed for life to unfold in the way it is going to. Well, more accurately without my ego self-identity trying to control.
“Life takes care” became my new mantra.
It might sound like apathy or some kind of submissive energy. It’s not. It’s peace. And there is enormous strength in peace.
I trust in something bigger than me to orchestrate and be in charge. I let it flow through me and follow the trajectory. My will is not my will at all really.
Back to the warrior energy. It is in me. It’s part of me so I cannot deny her. I am made to get fired up. But rather than be a fighter I found a new role for this energy.
Putting this fire in my belly towards liberation. Being the warrioress: the one who removes obstacles. I play my part in life’s flow without the struggle now. Without the fight I used to think was so necessary in order to get things done.
I witness how this WARRIORESS ENERGY runs through me and can help womxn who also yearn to let go of struggle, forcing, learned ways of the world that don’t align with our true wild Shakti nature; our innate feminine creative power.
The power within that rises up in us as the Warrioress, Creatress, Protectress of mother earth and all her beings.
I feel a deep call to gather womxn in 2021 who want to contribute to a collective that nurtures and supports our feminine creative power. An unravelling of old ways and lighting a new torch. There are many who are lighting this torch. We are being called. We all have our parts to play.
It may be a 6-month masterheart membership group with themes, ponder prompts, contemplations, and bi-monthly times we come together online for sharing wisdom and holding each other in unconditioned love, support, and acceptance.
One thing that is clear. It will centre around this:
Living in F.L.O.W.
Free Liberated Open Wild
I welcome your thoughts and feelings on this. I cherish your input.
If you are resonating please say YES in the comments and pm me your email address so I can keep you informed. And please share with womxn friends you know who could contribute to our torch light shining brighter.