Do you find yourself justifying your “no”
The other day I was having my haircut and my gorgeous hair artist was telling me about her upcoming meeting with her boss. After she told me a few of her thoughts and feelings of what she wanted to share in the meeting she said,
I FEEL LIKE A BITCH
The thing was, I didn’t hear it as ‘bitching’. I was hearing some good helpful suggestions. I found myself spontaneously grabbing her by the wrist and looked directly into her eyes and said,
YOU ARE NOT A BITCH FOR SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH
We both reeled back a bit.
She thanked me as I was trying to mentally catch up to what came out of my mouth.
It gave me pause.
It took my breath away for a few moments because I realised that this is what women often do. We don’t speak our truth at all, or we speak our truth and then immediately tamp it down or marginalize it, or we feel like we’re being a terrible person for saying how we feel out loud, whether that’s vocal or written.
I’m talking about speaking truth and making a stand for something that aligns with our values and virtues. I’m not referring to gossiping or judging others. I’m referring to when we speak up honestly from our heart with good intentions and then unconsciously dismiss or diminish its value in some way.
This also relates to when we when we say ‘no’ and then we follow up with all the reasons and wherefores to support the ‘no’ when its really not necessary.
‘No’ is a complete sentence.
- Bring heightened awareness to your inner urge to justify saying ‘no’ and take a deep breath instead and don’t. Give the complete sentence, ‘no’, space to be.
- Share your truth wholeheartedly with both vulnerability and discernment. Be discerning of where you share your truth. Don’t share vulnerably in places you know don’t align and you are trying to convince, rather than openly sharing.
- Take a stand, not a position.
A position is trying to convince someone to agree with your position. Don’t try to convince anyone of anything. Share without ego. Share from your heart what’s important to you.
Take a stand for your own values and share with love, not with fear of what others may think.
- Honour and value your truth and speak out from your heart (verbally or written words) with non- attachment to how it’s received or what others think. It’s like training to strengthen a muscle. Practice. Practice. Practice.
Standing in your power means you are willing to share how you feel sincerely. Share what’s in your heart with as much integrity as you can without shame, guilt, or other conditioned emotions that may arise. This is our human pathway to liberation. To see where we still hold back and use our awareness to dissolve emotional blocks so we can free ourselves from the shackles we may have worn for eons. There is no victim here. We are learners in life and together we help each other along the way to speak our truth and let wisdom grow.
Let me know how this lands for you. I’d love to hear.
Love and gratitude,