What does that mean? It’s an interesting thing. This morning I said to my husband. Self-enquiry is s not just about fucking sitting in a cave and meditating on “who am I?” Yes it can be a part of the process but self-enquiry is also an every moment commitment to exploring and peeling away the layers of conditioning by questioning our thoughts, actions, motivations and stripping away to the essence and the truth of what we are. No it’s not self-reflection or navel gazing.
We have these sorts of conversations. Lighthearted, humourous, deep and loving
When we meditate or do yoga asana practice we may consider this is the time for the practice of self-enquiry. The mind likes to compartmentalize and categorize.
But everyday self-enquiry means a commitment to daily paying attention and asking questions. What’s behind this feeling of discomfort, for example? Don’t ignore it, explore it.
Pay Attention (be interested)
Be Curious (instead of fearful)
Watching and witnessing our thoughts, actions, feelings without judging them allows curiosity a chance to take over so we can dive below the surface of our automated habitual reactions and motivations and get to the core of any fear. Instead of reacting to the fear we can consciously align with love instead.
I was pondering the other day about being busy. Ever notice when people tell you how busy they are there’s a feeling of importance about being so busy? I used to do this too.
What I’ve discovered for myself is there is always some fear that lies behind the busy mode. A feeling that doesn’t want to be felt.
Years ago I discovered I had this busy-ness really bad. And when I scratched the surface and dug deeper I discovered that it was a fear of being alone. I kept myself super busy. After work. During work. One day I was walking home from work with nothing on my agenda. It was early and I realized, ding, that I kept myself busy so I didn’t have to go home to an empty apartment and feel the feeling of loneliness. That was a long time ago.
Fast forward today ….
What is the busy-ness about today?
I used to think it was solely coming from the baseline erroneous assumption that I am not good enough yet so I busy myself up to avoid that feeling. It’s an insidious belief I find many, many of us have downloaded including myself.
What if being busy isn’t there to mask up just the old feelings of ‘not good enough’?
What if the busy-ness also masks up the fear that you might be fucking GREAT. BRILLIANT. MAGNIFICENT.
What would that look like and could you handle being great? What would that mean? How would you live your life? What would others think? Do you care what they think?
Remember what Marianne Williamson said?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
Instead of focusing on the side of the coin that is telling you ‘I’m not good enough’ flip it and focus on the side that is scared shitless that you are great, brilliant, magnificent.
Because yes we are! All of us.
LET SHIFT HAPPEN
Next time the voices arise in you asking
“who am I to be …..
“who do you think you are to…?
Answer the question. Get a notebook and pen and answer
I am ….
And write write write. You’ll know what is false and what is real.
Let me know how you go.
With love and gratitude