It’s a funny thing about desires vs. conditioning.
I remember a time in my 20's walking directly home after work in the city and I panicked. I had nothing to do. Most evenings after work I had something on. I was ALWAYS busy doing something. And this one day there was nothing to do after work and I freaked. Then I paused, reflected, felt into that feeling and realized that every ounce of my busy life was to avoid feeling alone, and being busy helped me falsely feel like I was some kind of important person. It hit me in a flash and it hit hard.
Now with wisdom from experience and decades of living life, I laugh at that.
I desire nothing more than having plenty of solitude and alone time. And I LOVE not being busy. It’s so aligned with who I am at the core of my being that I can’t fathom how I did busy all those years.
If someone asked you, what's the most important thing in your life right now, how would you answer?
I asked myself this very question, and it's presence.
Being present, surrendered, awake.
That's the top line for me. Every other thing pales.
I'm not interested in making a six figure salary
Not interested in self-improvement anymore
Not interested in building a legacy
I don't judge any of those things, because I have come to realize that being present, surrendered and awake takes care of being in life's unfolding flow. It's love you could say. Not a personal kind but all inclusive expansive love.
If one is meant to have a six figure salary, for example, it will happen. If improvement happens it comes without stressing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you don’t have to effort. I can hear the protests: It only happens if you put in the effort.
But consider this,
When there is a strong desire for certain things, you put in the effort effortlessly because you want it. And you want it because your soul-seeded desires pull you strongly towards it. There is love for it and you really have no choice.
And when there isn't true desire for something, but you effort towards it because you THINK you should be doing that, then it’s conditioning. Yep. It's that simple.
I have had conditioning that had me falsely chasing things that weren't really true desires for me. For example, the thought, I have to make a lot of money to be successful was a conditioning in me. It’s false. It’s something I picked up from outside of myself and I realized it was making me very unhappy to chase after this and even when I got it, I wasn't happy in my heart. And I had to subsequently redefine success for myself.
It’s essential to me to be true to who I am.
It's a lifetime investigation and unravelling of conditioning. It’s the same for everyone. De-conditioning back to who you truly are.
It starts with being present, surrendered, awake.
From there we are shown, guided on, what needs to happen next. One step at a time. It means taking a step towards desires without knowing the next. It's a surrender and trust in how life flows. Not personal. It flows and we personalize. What would happen if we didn't personalize? Ahhhh.
It’s not about never asking for help either. Even the need for asking becomes apparent when it’s necessary.
Life is fluid, flowing, and magical when we stop listening to our mind and trust in our own inner authority and know how that speaks to us and guides us in living a soul aligned life.
P.S. If you are curious about how to live a soul-aligned life using your unique blueprint in Human Design, I would love to be your guide to help you implement your inner authority guidance (rather than your mind) and live your soul purpose, not your conditioning.